For me the No on 1 campaign was never really just about marriage equality. It was always about broader acceptance of me by the state I have always loved. The one that I escaped as soon as I could in 1983 but that I have always returned to and that remains my real home. Maine and I continue to have a passionate and complicated relationship.
So this is what I am feeling early this morning…
Content. I did everything I could and I had an amazing experience. I can’t really ask for more. Well, sure – a win would have been nice. But life is about the journey and this was a deeply personal and moving time for me and I loved every minute.
Optimistic. We are going to get this done. I know that from the conversations with yes voters I have had over the past several days. My favorite was last night 15 minutes before the polls closed. I was in the rain, in the dark, and in a trailer park on Sand Hill (the ultra catholic, Franco-American area of Augusta) talking to my last 2 voters. They were a couple – probably in their late 50s, working class. She had already voted No. He had already voted Yes. He was apologetic and warm and kept inviting me inside to visit with them. He is already with us. He just doesn’t know it yet. He will one day. There are many more of him.
Proud. Of our work. Of my family and friends. I know my mother has been more nervous about this than I have been. That’s what mother’s do. I know my brother is more upset today than I am. Big brothers are protective . My nieces and nephews and their innate sense of fairness is amazing. The support and encouragement I have received from friends far and wide, old and new has been incredible.
Disappointed. I am not gonna lie. This sucks. I really hate that my rights and my humanity are put to public vote and majority rule every year. It’s demeaning in a way that most people probably cannot really understand. Thankfully.
Blessed. Not because I have to fight for basic protections and rights, but because I live in a place and time when I can.
Resolved. We will continue to move onward and upward. I am resilient and so is every other gay man and lesbian that I know. We have been pushed down before (and I don’t mean just figuratively) and we know how to get back up with dignity and keep pushing forward. That is also in our DNA.
I am not sure what is next, but it will be good.
Thanks.
James
I am sorry that your efforts did not have the wished result. But at least it was close. We will get there, sooner or later.
Posted by: Arash | November 04, 2009 at 11:39 PM
I am moved by your post. This is very well written and certainly comes from the heart. We have the same issue here with Ref. 71 and I am up in arms that the civil rights of a minority still has to be voted on by the majority. Haven't we learn anything from our past? It doesn't make sense and it isn't fair. I've come a long way from the ignorant teenager, too scared to walk down Broadway to the person I am today. I'm proud that you and your sister were the first people to enlighten me. I've spent 10 plus years playing softball for NAGAAA and continue to support the efforts and struggles of my friends and family for basic rights. I am proud to have known you and I am proud of the efforts that, not only you have made but the efforts that your family has made. Keep fighting for what's right.
Posted by: Daniel Rearden | November 04, 2009 at 01:51 PM
OK, you made us cry in our coffee this morning! A bittersweet but ultimately uplifting post--we are so proud of you and thankful for all the other Mainers who cast their vote for civil rights. Meanwhile, back on the other coast, your adopted state's "everything but marriage" initiative is holding on to a slim lead. We're confident that we'll prevail on this one. There is and will continue to be hope!!
Posted by: Caroline Maillard | November 04, 2009 at 12:30 PM
I'm moved and inspired by your optimism in the face of adversity. I also see much hope in the results despite the loss. So many Mainers cast fear and doubt aside yesterday. This has been a phenomenal campaign that opened many hearts. I know those who thrive on despair will soon be wallowing in their own bitterness.
Posted by: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=766646739 | November 04, 2009 at 11:41 AM
I couldn't be more proud that you're my uncle and couldn't be happier that my mom and dad raised me with that "innate sense of fairness". I woke up this morning, checked the polls, and was literally confused. To me it doesn't make sense why we're still fighting for this crap or why people still feel the need to discriminate. This is the new civil rights era and I'm determined to do everything I can to make sure that the side of love comes out on top. I love you!
Posted by: Sarah | November 04, 2009 at 09:16 AM